Poor Mario
by Aisukuri
Summary: This is the weirdest thing I ever wrote. Peach marries Wario and Mario is all depressed. He goes crazy and then.. Well, no more spoilers! Please R&R it's pretty weird and funny. R&R, the golden rule, R&R, please! I'll worship you.


> **Poor Mario**  
_. . . how immature_
> 
>     **Oh god**
> 
> This is my first Smash Bros. fic and it's kind of weird. If you read it you'll get an idea. And if you had a heart, you would review. So I'm asking you to R&R. Flames will be ignored...
> 
> Mario was on a walk through the woods, by himself. You can never trust a plumber by himself. He thinks hardly about the event that happened days ago—Peach dumped him and married Wario. He needs time by himself. Then he gets captured and gets turned into a mad man! Meanwhile at the Smashers house, they are wondering where he is.   

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Mario walked through the woods. Usually Peach was by his side. He felt bad.. Peach thought fat people were sexy and that's the reason she married Wario. Mario thought if he could just make himself fatter, perhaps Daisy would go for him?  
Basically Mario was in a bad mood, like always. His game Mario Party 3 wasn't a success and the games on it were, well, boring. He was too busy to start acting for Smash Bros. Melee and Luigi was the star in Luigi's Mansion. But yes, Mario 128! No, too depressed to do that either. He cursed at himself then kicked a rock.  
" It's not fair. It's not fair. Peach doesn't need Wario," he told himself. " Dammit!" He sat down in tears. Then a light shone on him. He looked up, trying to see. The light was too bright. Bowser was shining a light in his face and there was many miniature Bowsers around.  
" Put ur hands up where I can see them and don't try anything funny!" snapped M. Bowser #1.  
" What the hell do you morons want?" Mario asked rudely. Duh, he was supposed to be rude.  
" Mario, hand over the princess, and nobody gets hurt," said Bowser. He held up a knife.  
" Bowser," groaned Mario, " leave me alone. Peach married Wario."  
" She.. dumped you?!" laughed Bowser. " Ha! Liar. Get him, Chomp!" A big black dog on a chain popped up and bit Mario. It was, of course, the infamous Chomp Chomp.  
" Tell us where ya hid here before I blow a cap up yo ass!" ordered M. Bowser #2, holding a rocket launcher.  
" I told you, she married Mr. Lard!" moaned Mario, obviously annoyed. He started crying in annoyance quietly.  
" Wittle baby Mawio gonna cwy? Mwahahaha!" teased Bowser. The Mini Bowsers and Bowser himself teased him for two hours, and finally Mario couldn't take it.  
" Look, king turtle of the cheese, I told you! Wario married Peach! Now leave me alone, or I may do something drastic!"  
" Bah! Like what?" asked Bowser, not really concerned. While Mario began to talk, Bowser polished his nails, ready to dig them in somebody.  
" Wario married Peach. Get that through your THICK skull!" Mario bit Bowser's arm off and started chewing on his leg.  
" For the love of cheese! Help me, Minis!" Bowser cried. Like a pack of chipmunks, the M. Bowsers immediately helped Bowser but lost three toes and an arm.  
" Rawr! I am crazy!" yelled Mario. All the Bowsers fainted and blew up rocket launchers in their faces. Mario raced through the woods like a monkey, waiting for more victims to cannibalize..  

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" Where's Mario? His spaghetti is getting cold!" complained Luigi. The Smashers were roomies in an expensive apartment.  
" Who cares about his spaghetti," said Ness, " he doesn't eat anymore. Peach has got him too depressed."  
" I guess you're right. And the fact that Peach got married to Wario is pretty weird, too."  
" I know, huh? Peach and Mario were dating everyday and poof, Wario and Peach are married."  
" Whatcha guys talkin' 'bout?" asked Kirby curiously.  
" What do YOU care? Go sex out Jigglypuff," said Ness.  
" Well! I never have been so insulted!" Kirby said.  
" Bah, let him converse with us. There's nothing worse than having a marshmallow," said Luigi.  
" Hey guys! What's up?" asked Samus.  
" Samus, leave or else undress yourself!" Luigi demanded.  
" Luigi.. Please, shut up!" said Ness annoyed.  
" Oohh ahh ahh! Hee! Moo!" said D.K..  
" Uh, you shut up too, Donkey Kong," said Ness.  
" Ahh ahh! Ohh! Ahh!" grunted D.K.. Too bad we can't translate it for ya.  
" I wish the asshole could speak english!" groaned Luigi.  
" Yeah, me too. At least Pikachu and Jigglypuff speak english," said Kirby.  
" Excuse 'm moi?" said Jigglypuff. " I do believe something!"  
" *Sigh* What is it, Jigglypuff?" asked Samus.  
" I do believe that I am pregnant, and Kirby is the father."  
" Kirby, you impregnated Jigglypuff, what's the worse that can happen?" asked Luigi.  
" I don't know."  
" Guys! Guys!" said Link. He sat down on the couch. " Where's Mario? He needs to record my latest song!"  
" Uh, Link, since when do you sing?" said Pikachu.  
" Shut up. I really need Mario! Wait, C. Falcon still can record my songs!"  
" C. Falcon wasn't a Crest Kid," said Jigglypuff.  
" Guys! Shut up! We should be worrying about Mario! Where could he have gone?!" asked Luigi. Everyone agreed and started thinking.  
" First he went into the woods.." said Ness.  
" The woods?" asked Luigi. " I thought he went into the village."  
" Wait a minute! The woods has Bowser in it!" Ness yelled. The door slammed open and a hungry Mario walked in.  
" Mario! Where the hell have you been?!" asked Luigi.  
" GRR!" Mario chases everyone around the house. Ten minutes later, we see an angry Mario sitting down with D.K.'s juicy arm in his mouth. " Could use some jelly." Around the room, the Smashers' bodies are chewed up and missing at least an arm. It's not a pretty sight, so no more explanations here! Suddenly, Peach and Wario jump up from behind a pole.  
" Surprise! April's Fools!" they sung.  
" April's Fools? It's July and youz twoz are still playing APRIL'S FOOLS?!" asked Mario violently.  
" We're not really married, Mario. It was an April's Fools joke! A late April's Fools joke! Get it?" laughed Peach.  
" Late April's Fools?" squeaked Mario. Peach nodded, happily. Mario's face turned to stone. He grabbed his chest, dropped on the floor, and had a heart attack.  
" Mario, no, Mario! It was a joke! Get it? MARIO!" 
> 
> Please R&R.


End file.
